In order to limit my risk of getting fired, some names have been changed.
Have you ever seen the SNL skit with Natalie Portman where they're making fun of a certain juice store? If you haven't, take a gander.
This skit is pretty over the top, right? I mean, no one really acts that outlandish, do they? Well, I've been working for, uh, Jooba Juice for a long time, (too long, in fact) and I have actually seen people act this way. Not only that, Jooba Juice wants us to make fools out of ourselves.
We've been pushing food sales a lot lately. You may be saying, "Jooba Juice sells food?" Oh, we do. Jooba Juice has come up with all sorts of special deals in order to get people to buy the pre-made food that's been sitting in the refrigerator for days. This is what they want us to say to customers, no joke:
"I see you've ordered the small RazzleDazzle. Great choice! Now, for the exciting part: You can add a delicious wrap, a hot cup of oatmeal, or a wonderful flatbread for a discount. The wraps are great on the go, the oatmeal is full of protein and fiber, and we bake the flatbreads to a crispy perfection in the oven!"
Seriously? I couldn't say any of that crap with a straight face. And even if I wanted to, how many customers are actually going to let me get all that out before they tell me to shut up?
A few of my coworkers could do it, though. When I first started, a couple came in the store and they were looking at the menu. I actually heard my coworker say (in a sing-song voice no less), "Are you ready to order? No? Well, have you heard of our new smoothie, the Pumpkin Wonder? If you like pumpkin pie, it's the smoothie for you! It's absolutely delicious!"
Not even kidding.
Guys! Guys! I think I've figured out the code! "Jooba Juice" is actually Jamba Juice!
ReplyDeleteJooba Juice is actually code for Michellin Tires. Don't know they got that mixed up.
ReplyDeleteI went at about 9:00pm one night, a few weeks ago. I ordered a Caribbean Passion and the guy asked, "Would you like to try some oatmeal with that?" Oatmeal seems like a morning thing to me...
ReplyDeleteI hate having to shove stuff down customers' throats...no fun! I'm sure you could do it though, you have one of the most naturally peppy voices on the planet! Cute festive background by the way.
ReplyDeleteKill me. How could they really expect any of those words to escape your lips? Just advertise the food better, I don't know. I imagine you finding a hilarious way to try and talk up the oatmeal, etc. Lie to them and say that 50% of the purchase toward food goes to some good cause. That's really mean and I'm the devil.
ReplyDeleteI'm loving this post. So much. Good one, Molly! I love that skit :) And I hope you're doing well!
ReplyDeleteemz, um, who are you?
ReplyDelete